We had Ben Afia (brilliant Tone of Voice specialist) in last night demonstrating how tone of voice in writing can be defined and then applied. Since doing is better than just listening, we all rolled up our sleeves and rewrote some customer letters.
Here is a rewritten letter (by Al’s team), with the original below. I know which one I’d rather receive.
Dear Bill
Missed payment on your insurance policy
Unfortunately your bank was unable to pay the agreed Direct Debit amount of £X
I am sorry but you are £x out of pocket because of the missed payment. If you contact your bank and find out what’s gone wrong, we can fix this in no time.
We should try and sort this out in the week so you don’t accidentally break the law and drive uninsured.
Before example:
Dear Bill
Default Notice under Section 87(1) of the Consumer Credit Act 1974
Your bank was unable to pay the direct debt instalment of £x.xx, due to us on [date]. We regret that this unpaid Direct Debit puts you in breach of the payment provisions of the Agreement. We value your business and hope that it is your intention to continue your policy with us. If this is the case it is important that you contact us on 0845 000000 to arrange for cleared funds to be received by [date].
Due to the recent missed payment on your account and in accordance with your policy documentation a charge of £15 will be applied to your policy.
If the action required by this notice is taken before the date shown no further action will be taken in respect of the breach.
If you do not take the action required by this notice before the date shown then the further action set out below may be taken against you.
The Agreement will be terminated.
Insurance cover under the policy(ies) listed overleaf to which the Agreement relates will be cancelled.
If the amount paid under the Agreement is insufficient for the period of cover provided, a request will be made for the balance owing.
If your policy is a motor or liability policy your attention is drawn to the following statement…
We are required by law to advise you that upon cancellation of a policy you must return all current certificates of insurance. It is an offence under the Road Traffic Act of 1988 to fail to return a certificate of motor insurance within seven days from the cancellation of the policy taking effect, and to use a motor vehicle on a public highway or other public place without adequate third party insurance or operate a business without current insurance cover.
Yours
